I Am Enough

   On September 23, 2014, I attended night one of a two night Mission/Renewal at our church. A priest who had once been our parish priest presented the night for us. It was a wonderful night, filled with insight and the Spirit. The basic gist of the evening was learning to be a good Christian in this world that says we should just care about ourselves.

   As I say, there were many insights and points made during the evening, but one in particular struck me. Father was speaking about having 'enough'. This is a consumer driven society, we always think we need more, what ever that 'more' may be. The basic message was, "If you have a home, clothes, and mode of transportation, you have enough. If you have warm clothes and the only reason you go to bed hungry at night is because you are dieting, you have enough. If you can vote your conscience, and worship the way you wish, you have enough."  After all, how many people in this world do not have enough? I took the other side of that to be, if you have more than enough, you are morally obligated to try to ease the suffering of others with it.

  Thinking of it that way was an eye opener to many of us. To realize that, though we may not be rich, if we have these things, we have enough. To think of all the ones in this world that are literally persecuted because of their faith! To think of the children who go to bed hungry every night, and get up the same way, to face more of the same the next day! I could go on and on.

  However, as I listened to Father, a thought began to creep in. We were talking about having enough, but something, I've no idea now what, made me start to think of being enough. (I now believe it was God speaking to my heart)  It settled in, and the thought began to grow . How often lately had I felt that I wasn't enough?  As my disability has grown, I've begun to feel diminished. I can't do all that I once could, I can't be there for others and my church as much as I once could. I feel I'm not doing enough for my family (both actual, and church), letting them down. I have begun to feel alone, afraid, and just less than.  But, as we got closer to the end of the night, I slowly began to believe that I am enough.  As Father went around the church asking if anyone wanted to say one thing they would take with them that night, I burst into tears as I said just this.

  It may take some time to fully internalize what I came to believe that night. I know now that, as others shared with me later, I'm not alone in feeling this way. But, just as we have enough if we have our basic needs met, we can be enough if we try to "be all that we can be", in the words of a popular advertisement. Perhaps I can't go to all the events at church and other places that I want to, but if I'm forced to stay at home, I can pray about it! Maybe I can't be there in the flesh for all my friends when they are dealing with things, but I can pray about it! Maybe I can't do all the things for my family at home that I used to, but I can try to do those things that I can do to the best of my ability. No, I'm not as strong as I used to be, physically, but, in other ways, I'm stronger! My prayer life is deeper and more vibrant than it once was. I can empathize with others so much more than I once could, because I know what it is to be in pain that won't go away, to not be able to do the things you want to because you are in too much pain, too exhausted, etc., due to illness. I am also more fearless in some ways, because, what's the worse that can happen if I finally get the courage to cantor at Mass? What's the worse that can happen if I give a talk, in front of dozens of people, about fundraising? None of the possibilities compare with reality! 

  So, I now have a new mantra to live up to.  "I Am Enough!"  God made me to be enough! God has given me all I need to be enough. God will be with me to the very end of this life, and waiting for me at the beginning of the next. Until then, God has given me all I need to be the best person I can be in this life, I just have to keep believing it!  Blessings to one and all!